Some of my favorite quotes...
"Faith is believing something you know ain’t true." [Mark Twain]
"A man is accepted into a church for what he believes and he is turned out for what he knows." [Mark Twain]
"If there is a God, he is a malign thug." [Mark Twain]
Mr. Clemens was once asked whether he feared death. He said that he did not, in view of the fact that he had been dead for billions and billions of years before he was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.
"We have just enough religion to make us hate but not enough religion to make us love one another." [Jonathan Swift]
"Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when
they do it
from religious convictions." [Pascal]
It's hard to be religious when certain people are never
by bolts of lightning." -Calvin from "Calvin and Hobbes"
"The missionaries go forth to Christianize the savages--
as if the savages
weren't dangerous enough already." [Edward Abbey]
God did not create the world in 7 days.
He screwed around for 6 days and then pulled an all-nighter.
Man created God in his own image.
God hated the world so much that he sent his only son so that whoever
does not believe in him will perish and be denied eternal life.
"Isn't it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having
to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too?" [Douglas Adams]
"Not only is God dead, but just try to find a plumber on weekends." [Woody Allen]
God wanted to have a holiday, so He asked St. Peter for suggestions on where to go.
"Why not go to Jupiter?" asked St. Peter.
"No, too much gravity, too much stomping around," said God.
"Well, how about Mercury?"
"No, it's too hot there."
"Okay," said St. Peter, "What about Earth?"
"No," said God, "They're such horrible gossips. When I was there 2000 years ago, I had
an affair with a Jewish woman, and they're still talking about it."
"The world holds two classes of men -- intelligent men
without religion, and religious men without intelligence."
[Abu'l-Ala-Al-Ma'arri (973-1057; Syrian poet)]
"No, I don't know that atheists should be considered as citizens, nor should
they be considered as patriots. This is one nation under God." [George Bush]
"I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than
you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you
will understand why I dismiss yours." [Stephen Roberts]
"To think that the ruler of the universe will run to my assistance and
bend the laws of nature for me is the height of arrogance.
Theists think all gods but theirs are false.
Atheists simply don't make an exception for the last one.
Why does the Vatican have lightning rods?
Philosophy is questions that may never be answered.
Religion is answers that may never be questioned.
"I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice
it always coincides with their own desires." [Susan B. Anthony]
"A tyrant must put on the appearance of uncommon devotion to religion.
"To assert that the earth revolves around the sun is as erroneousas to claim that Jesus
was not born of a virgin." [Cardinal Bellarmino 1615, during the trial of Galileo]
"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the
free exercise thereof." [First Amendment, Bill of Rights, U.S. Constitution]
"Gilles de Rais supposedly sodomized, mutilated, and murdered more
than 700 children. At his trial he told of his usual procedure of
sexually assaulting boys, cutting open their chests and burying his face
in their lungs, and opening their abdomens and handling their intestines.
He also confessed to necrophilia with the dismembered bodies and to
attempted intercourse with a fetus he cut out of a pregnant woman.
At his trial de Rais REPENTED, and the bishop of Nantes WAS FORCED
TO RECEIVE HIM BACK INTO THE CHURCH."
"Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich." [Napoleon Bonaparte]
"I am surrounded by priests who repeat incessantly that their kingdom is not of
this world, and yet they lay their hands on everything they can get." [Napoleon Bonaparte]
"The question before the human race is, whether the
God of nature
shall govern the world by his own laws, or whether priests and kings
shall rule it by fictitious miracles?" [John Adams]
Atheist celebrity list.
Another celebrity list with many other quotes.